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Oct 2

You’re More Normal Than You Think

You’re More Normal Than You Think

More Normal Than You Think

Parenting, family, and marriage are strange phenomenons.
They are daily mysteries that can’t be ultimately figured out nor are they cases that can be solved once and for all.  They are, in fact, puzzles with imperfectly connected pieces.
Once you get some pieces in place you can sort of see the overall picture, but you better believe that there are still some gaps in the pieces.
I am engaged in it every day.
CJHarris-FamilyFunOne of the greatest epiphanies that I had a few months ago and I sat in my house listening to my kids argue, observing my wife get aggravated about homework, taking notice that the house was just cleaned a few hours ago but was now right back with the usual clutter, all while turning off alerts from our multiple devices that an appointment was 30 minutes away.  Nobody was dressed, the kids hadn’t had a bath, I’d done the grocery shopping but no food was prepared and my daughter was really stressing about WHAT to wear.
I’d just heard one of my favorite communicators share about parenting and had just left a restaurant talking with a friend about his family.
We are NORMAL!
This was a game changer!
Parenting can be very fulfilling and rewarding, while at the same time frustrating and overwhelming.
One minute you are in a rhythm and everything is working like clock-work.  In one moment your system that you thought through is working perfectly.
Marriage is satisfying on one hand and can be very stressful on the other.  You and your spouse can leave the house with a kiss and a smile and well-wishes.  A few emails, meetings, and cups of coffee, along with 2 or 3 quick check-ins and you’re walking in the door working hard to avoid one another.
Family is a blend of unique personalities.  For as many people in your home, that many unique perspectives exists.
Navigating that reality is a circus all alone.
And yet, it’s the thing that motivates you to work, pursue purpose, snap pictures and make videos of.  It’s the thing that you really are most proud of and think about – it is the thing that causes all of society to exist.
And yet in the midst of these tensions – fulfilling/rewarding – frustrating/overwhelming; in rhythm – out of synch; satisfying – stressful; well-wishes – avoidance – one of the things that you must attempt to resolve – you’re probably more normal than you realize.
The real reason that THIS EPIPHANY is a game changer is because most of us, if we’d really be honest, spend alot of our time – trying to BE NORMAL!
I could ask lots of questions here: What’s normal? Who told us that’s normal?…
For many families in my context, for years now The Cosby’s defined normal.
The truth is – you’re already normal.
After a quick anecdotal poll of what’s happening in most ‘normal’ families.
I see:
People who love each other
People who can long to be together
People who can long to be individuals
People who can long to have their own space
People with busy lives
People who have real emotions
People who’s homes aren’t always picture ready
People who’s sinks sometimes contain sinks with yesterday’s dishes
People who fix quick meals and everyone eats in a different part of the house
People who have lots in common
People who are very different in some areas
People who share a common faith
People who struggle with areas of their faith
People who have solid systems and plans in place
People who miss the gaps in their systems and plans
People who juggle a lot
People who enjoy silence
People who clean the house
People who forget to take the garbage out
People who pay their bills
People who forget to pay their bills
People who wear picture perfect outfits and styles
People who put on an already worn suit or clothing item
People who parent without skipping a beat
People who parent and misjudge a situation entirely
People who have assigned chores
People who give passes on the chores
People who give lectures and life lessons
People who avoid hard talks
People who remember everything
People who forget big details
All of this – and then some – is what I see in normal families.
So, take the pressure off, breath a little bit, smile a little, laugh a little…and simply realize – you’re probably more normal than you realize.
Now, quit procrastinating and go clean the house!
Sep 22

What You MUST Do Today!

What You MUST Do Today!

Can you believe it?  It’s 100 days left in 2014.  Although there are still 24 hours in a day and 168 hours in a week, it feels like time is moving at lightning fast speed. Pastor Andy Stanley said something a few days ago that was very powerful.  In the context of speaking about parenting, he said, “Years move fast and days move slow.”  This could not be further from the truth also about life.

100DaysRemaining-CJHNonetheless, what should we be doing now that there’s 100 days left in this year? Actually, here are three things that I thing everyone MUST do as this year is edging towards a close.

Express Gratitude

Pause at some point over the next 24-48 hours and simply express gratitude for what has been accomplished, learned, and experienced this year.  Whether you realize it or not, you are well on your way.  When you pause to express gratitude you also get a moment to really consider the things that really matter in life.  While the tangible things that exist in our lives have some value, the most valuable things are the intangible – life, health, people, relationships, potential, wisdom.  Neal A. Maxwell said, “We should certainly count our blessings, but we should also make our blessings count.”

Evaluate Progress

I’m not sure what boat you fit in.  There’s some research that suggests that your life won’t amount to much without goals.  And yet there’s an entire body of different research that suggests that setting goals limits agility and recognition of reality.  Either way, no one argues against focus and commitment.  As you have already matriculated through a majority of 2014, what’s been accomplished?  If you are the type that set’s goals, where are you with those goals?  You can really end this year with a bang as you consider where you want to be by the time Wednesday, December 31, 2014 shows up.  The late Robert Kennedy offered this insight.  He quipped, “Progress is a nice word.  But change is its motivator. And change has its enemies.”  If this is true, which I believe it is, then the real questions are: A) Where do we need to change?; B) What those “enemies” that we finally need to defeat that’s holding us back?; C) Where have you been stuck?; D) What dream have you sort of forgotten about?

Get A Plan

Now that you’ve considered the destination (or at least pit stop) for this year’s journey, what is your road map to get there?  Who do you need at the table of your life to offer insight and wisdom to get there?  Where do you need a coach? What sacrifices are necessary?  Nothing worthwhile will be accomplished without someone paying the price.  Where do you need to pay the price?  What books do you need to read?  What fear do you need to overcome?  Who do you need to spend more / less time with?  Who do you need to reconnect with?  How’s your health? How’s your mind? How’s your financial foundation? How’s your spiritual life? How’s your professional life? Do you need to do something part-time? Do you need to go back to school? Who do you need to encourage? Who do you need to encourage you? If you’re a parent, what do you need to be doing with your kids? What should they be doing? What opportunities do you need to expose them to? What should they stop doing? What conversations and lessons should you be offering them?

I know this post has a lot more questions than notes, but I believe these questions will help you arrive at a considerable place that will allow you to push towards the end of 2014 with a laser focus.  It is my hope that you end this year with a lot more gratitude, progress, and innovative plans than you would otherwise have regrets.  It IS possible to end better than you started.

Finally, here’s a Word of Wisdom to also guide you in the process.

Proverbs 3: 5-9 (Message) – 5 Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. 6 Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he’s the one who will keep you on track. 7 Don’t assume that you know it all. Run to God! Run from evil! Your body will glow with health, your very bones will vibrate with life! 9 Honor God with everything you own; give him the first and the best.

Consider this your locker room pep talk.  Your shot of expresso. Your kick in the rear.  Your personal counseling session. Your private pep rally! Whatever you need to get it in gear and get to moving! There’s a purpose for your life and nothing or no one has the power to allow you to not get there, except you.  Let’s go! Be Inspired!

(Side Note: If you’re really stuck and need some insight or wisdom, I’d be glad to either help or point you to a few Life Coaches and professionals who might be able to help.  Connect with me here.)

Aug 19

Another Birthday – Lessons From Last Year

Another Birthday – Lessons From Last Year
Well, I just celebrated another birthday!

I am absolutely grateful and excited about another opportunity to — LIVE!

Happy BirthdayLots of people take life for granted, I absolutely do not.  I’ve been around enough situations to know that life isn’t promised…so I don’t miss the opportunity to express my appreciation for it.

As I have done for the past 5 or 6 years, I pause to reflect on what I’ve learned over the previous year.  I look at my own life, observe the lives of others, take note of what’s happening in the world and the spaces close to me. I compile this list and take some time to quietly reflect and grow from it.  This list also serves as benchmarks for me for growing, learning, and developing.  This past year, I had a list of over 800 things that I’ve observed (I’m getting more consistent in my journalling…)

With that said, I took that long list and reduced it down to about 75 things that I figured would be helpful for others and have shared it below.  Again, this isn’t directed or connected to any one person, group, or idea…but a combination of observations.  Some are from my own mistakes and others are just learning from living.

I’d love to hear back from you.  What do you think about this list? What stands out in your mind the most?

Enjoy!

  1. My life is not as important as I personally could make it out to be, but only as important as others need it to be. (Always – get over yourself and never believe your own Press Release)
  2. You will only have something to offer the world and people if you really believe that you have something to offer them.
  3. Life is not meant to be lived alone.
  4. Everybody isn’t a hater…
  5. You feel better when you treat people right.
  6. Integrity is the strongest currency we have.
  7. A weakness that you ignore today, may trip you up tomorrow.
  8. Everything really does rise and fall on leadership.
  9. Everything that happens to you isn’t personal. (Sometimes, there’s another part of the story you may not know…)(Hard to accept…but truth…)
  10. The church is really called to make disciples. It can do a lot of other stuff, but at the end of the day, it must make disciples.
  11. I really love and enjoy my wife.
  12. I’m really blessed with the three kids that I have.
  13. Parents can REALLY learn alot from their kids if they pay attention.
  14. Some of the biggest challenges in life are determined by the systems that you put in place in your personal life.
  15. The Holy Spirit can be your best friend is you’re willing to listen to Him.
  16. There’s a serious lack of urgency for the right things today…
  17. When you neglect the things that you’re wired to do, you will be frustrated.
  18. Reading is fundamental and necessary to grow.
  19. Manners still matter! (Please, thank you…)
  20. God is in the business of preserving your life to get you to accomplish your life purpose.
  21. Laughing is soooo therapeutic!
  22. I’m more comfortable being both introverted and extroverted. (most people don’t know this about me…)
  23. The more demand on your public time, the more structured and less stressful your private life needs to be.
  24. Perfection is a good pursuit, but stressful. Excellence is better.
  25. Race is still an issue in our country and will be until people pay attention to the economics.
  26. Some people just won’t like you, no matter what you do and how you do it.
  27. Most people sadly and grossly underestimate the strain of leadership (and ministry). (And yes, while most leaders build the capacity to handle it, it should not go unnoticed…)
  28. God REALLY does take the darkest moments of your life and causes you to grow in ways you could have never imagined.
  29. Forgiveness of others is so freeing! I’ll say it this way, forgiveness is fundamental…
  30. Your physical health matters and nobody else will be as concerned about it as you will.
  31. Margin in life is not only needed, but necessary and mandatory for anyone who wants to do anything significant. (Margin = financially, emotionally, spiritually, day-to-day schedule, etc.)
  32. If you say that you’re a leader, everything you do is being watched and judged. This can be both good and costly.
  33. Trust your gut, intuition, unction…whatever you want to call it.
  34. Comfort zones are so…comfortable…
  35. It’s better to change when you want to than when you’re forced to.
  36. Lying will catch up with you.
  37. Learn to enjoy the city you live in.
  38. Your life, mind, heart, and spirit needs regular (read daily here…) maintenance.
  39. “No” or “I can’t” can be very healthy for you, others, and your work.
  40. Some people abuse God’s grace and some people haven’t figured it’s available for them.
  41. Breaking a routine can be so liberating… (Try a new food, take a different route, sleep in or get up earlier, meet someone new, talk to a stranger {safely}, reach out for an old friend, etc…)
  42. Do what you do every time, like it’s your last time!
  43. I like journalling…I’m working on doing it consistently…
  44. The church is not as bad as some people make it out to seem.
  45. The church has issues to work on…
  46. We can create strange thoughts in our minds about people.  Some people I thought who thought less of me, regarded me highly.
  47. Today’s families need help.
  48. Some people are mean and don’t care…
  49. Some people are really going to regret some of the things that they post on social media…
  50. Bragging about being busy all of the time isn’t so cool.
  51. Kids don’t forget most things – good or bad.  They may not always say what they saw – but always know they saw it.
  52. More and more wisdom from the grandfather and other seniors I gleaned from, makes more sense…
  53. Everybody needs some senior citizens that they’re connected to.
  54. Prior planning really is better than cramming.
  55. Everybody needs a Pastor – a spiritual leader who they are accountable to.
  56. There are some Pastor’s who aren’t great preachers and some preacher’s who aren’t great Pastors.
  57. There are ALOT of great Pastor’s out there!
  58. Some Pastor’s should resign…for their personal health, health of the church, and health of their families and kids.
  59. Some Pastor’s need to stick it out — and thrive under the pressure!
  60. The bigger the platform the more accountability needed.
  61. Poor Writing and speaking skills will close doors on you.
  62. The ability to make a decision / choice is a POWERFUL thing!
  63. It is not an oxymoron to have a quality of life AND a powerful ministry.
  64. Sometimes people will recognize things (good and bad) about you sooner than you will acknowledge.
  65. I really enjoyed the Seminole Football season.
  66. When it comes to our hearts, minds, and soul – we have more in common than we realize (regardless of race, color, or class…)
  67. Sometimes feeling helpless is a good thing.
  68. It’s better when God vindicates you than trying to always defend yourself.
  69. Social media has its limitations…
  70. I have more Timothy’s than I realized…and figuring that out…lit a fire under me.
  71. Some people are okay with being stuck where they are.
  72. There’s a daily attack to give up on your dream. It’s wisdom to know what to hold on to and what to let go of.
  73. You can learn a lot from your failures.
  74. There is a clear battle for the truth (God’s going to win…!)
  75. Every battle ain’t worth fighting…
Jul 28

Telling Leaders The Truth

Telling Leaders The Truth

I recently read one of the most gut-wrenching leadership thoughts that I’ve read in a while.

It was so gut-wrenching because it was so truthful!

Nothing but truthThe challenge that many organizations face is not that people don’t know the truth, it is whether anyone has the courage to confront the truth and be honest about what’s happening within the organization. I have personally seen it and have had loads of conversations with friends who have experienced it. Thank God for the leaders who create and provide a healthy opportunity for those in leadership under them to tell them the truth and be reception to hearing that, without retaliation or professional vengeance.  My prayer is for those leaders who are not there yet and should be.  I pray that “their eyes would be open, ears attentive, and hearts strengthened to have people to share the truth and they receive it in a healthy fashion…”

Read these thoughts below from John Maxwell and share your thoughts…

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TELL LEADERS WHAT THEY NEED TO HEAR Because of their intuition, good leaders often see more than others see, and they see things before others do. Why? Because they see everything from a leadership bias. But if the organization they lead gets large, they often lose their edge. They become disconnected. What is the remedy to this problem? They ask the people in their inner circle to see things for them. Most good leaders want the perspective of people they trust. Sales expert Burton Bigelow said, “Very few big executives want to be surrounded by ‘yes’ men. Their greatest weakness often is the fact that ‘yes’ men build up around the executive a wall of fiction, when what the executive wants most of all is plain facts.” One of the ways to become a person whom leaders trust is to tell them the truth. If you’ve never spoken up to your leaders and told them what they need to hear, then it will take courage. As World War II general and later president Dwight D. Eisenhower said, “A bold heart is half the battle.” But if you are willing to speak up, you can help your leaders and yourself. Start small and be diplomatic. If your leader is receptive, become more frank over time. If you get to the point where your leader is not only willing to hear from you but actually wants your perspective, then remember this: Your job is to be a funnel, not a filter. Be careful to convey information without “spinning” it. Good leaders want the truth—even if it hurts. —The 360° Leader HAVE A BOLD HEART , START SMALL, AND DIPLOMATICALLY BEGIN TELLING YOUR LEADER WHAT HE NEEDS TO HEAR.